Nth Day

Heyo, the 2009-2014 me.

Hiya everybody, it is been some times since I visit my own bloggie.

Oh well well look at the previous me.

The current me would like to put a *facepalm* on my face and laugh very hard. HAHAHA

God damn, all these memories. Anyway since not many people will see these, I'll guess I carve some of my wishes to here.

This is speaking from The 2018 CS.

I've been through to the society for 3 years. Among these 3 years, the recent one was the most exciting part as I've been through the worst obstacle I ever met so far.

Well, after a few months. That shit went off eventually.

So, when I back to this blog. Somehow some memories went in back to me again, I began to remembered a lot of funny parts especially the 2012.

To claim back that.. Is it difficult? Well, not sure. Depends on my guts now.

Well I wish everybody will move on as well for me too.

2018 Wishes:
1) Whole year Net Worth: RM50k
2) Visit Japan once again
3) Get a girlfriend (Yep, I'm kinda serious now. But I'm embarassed to say hahahah, who will she be? Guess yourself XD)
4) Healthy
5) Opportunity to crack the path of self-employed.
6) 2019 Plans to earn money.

Well well, that's all I can write I guess. I'm not like the old me already haha.
If anyone, who come in and have a visit. Please comment it with hi~ I'll come back and see when I remember this blog again XD

All right, let's see which year of me will come back and see this again. 

Hide in the Night, Rephrase in the Day

Yep, it's October folks.
It seems my plans for future are in developing...
Yeah so far there are some changes between me myself in years ago and current.
Well I finally know what's going on about me so I'm actually quite curious what will I do for the days going on~
All rightie, to be honest. After since I decided to enchant my body to be a better shape, I've obtain tons of advice from many of my close friends.
Like, I should start get moving to my dreams as soon as possible.
At least you had do something!! Therefore there's progress of your goal route. Here the positive comments, what about negative comments?
Nah I don't think you should start to move it so soon since you don't have a stable income and yet you're too young to decide such path since you're still studying in a tertiary education industry.

Such hurt, so much bad comments.

Well, the real me aka my mind is currently thinking which path is the best for me to continue my dream. Yes, I'm desperate and I wanted to be a pianist for most of the times. Because of I'm a lack of confident and used to be a shut-in person in the house for a quite long time. It's been 18 years I guess. I'm actually tried to blame my parents because they are not really that supportive us to do anything we like. We're fixed to be some specific jobs that always mentioned in the school. Well, I seriously not interested on those. I rather prefer to play piano/keyboard all the time for my entire life. It's much better to be in some industry and work like a robot. NO!! Like hell I would do that. So sometimes, I'll be mad at my parents because they didn't even ask us what we like. I'm kinda regret for staying inside the house without knowing the world news for all the time. Why would they prefer to let us stay inside the house? Why don't you communicate with your children first? Seriously...
By flipping the pictures about the previous me, I see nothing. Just some fake emotions reveal from the picture. We kids are not happy because of something that parents can't even understand what are they doing. They think they always right. That's why I'm a bit felt like I'm forced to be a shut-in person rather to hang out with friends. 

Seriously, I don't really want to blame them for crafting me as the previous me. Everyone should change when the times come. Ever since I joined my college life, I'm lucky to meet some brats that used to encourage me to do something I like. In combination of some who always have "future minded" people's advice, I've finally stand up and steps on the first platform to my goals. Yes, the current me is yet imperfect but it's improved a lot compared to the previous me. I am trying to draw out all of my potentials in these years to prove that I'm not that fail as a normal human. Each human should have their own specialities. Draw it out bitch! Even you do not know which is it. Just fucking do everything until you like that thing. Currently, I like basketball, jogging, playing "Love Live". As usual my favourite of favourite is still piano and keyboard. I don't know why but my fingers are just always want to try to feel piano. Some of my friends always tell me that it's too late to learn due to age problem. I am going to say that, "Bitch please" I don't believe such theory, what I believe is in hardwork and potential. If these simple terms are unable to understand. Then what are we living for? You live in a world without try to achieve anything? Try to be a completely normal human in the world? Come on =_=". 
Think positively, don't because of other retards' comments caused our dream ruined. I'll continue to pray and hope that one day I'll be the best of the best as a World Ranking Pianist. That's my greatest dream. 

I had once live in a world that I'm not feeling that my body is controlled by me. I don't like that so I turn it down and struggle to control back. Now I have the chance to make a turnaround. Why not to spend all your best to do it? I'm normal but it doesn't mean I'm not unique. 
I shall be the one who conquer the hatred soul that hidden inside my heart all the time.


Anyway reports for my current condition:

1st of October,
-Semester 5 of Electronic Engineering (Year 2)
-Struggling

-81~82kg so far 

-Planning to do something extreme before this year ends

-Planning to buy a keyboard for myself as birthday present 

-Decide to challenge something new

-Want a stable relationship with family

-Gain more knowledge about the world

-Try to be independant 

-Ain't got time to give shits to the people who're wasting my time

-Try to be cool

-Need more energy

-ANIMES!!! 

That's all for today, so on!
Road to the best of me!
I shall carry all the burden that caused by me myself from now on.

Will That Day Ever Comes?

That day...
Maybe?
Let's see if I can do it or not..

It's consider one of my earliest goal in my life...
Yet after so many years...
Still not achieve yet...
I'll make sure...
This time.
I'll..
Achieve it...

Challenge Accepted?

Challenge is good
Every time when I saw there's challenge happening around me,
I felt lively..
But at the same time...
I don't like to win someone...
Reason (1): It's pointless when someone's not having fun with me...
Reason (2): I win people, but I didn't win myself...
Reason (3): I'll find out it's actually quite annoying...

So actually when I saw someone cheer up and trying to show off their "things" to us,
I'll just look at them and mind said "Don't get too cocky... You won, but you didn't win everything."
Able to have fun with others is one of my interest...
Able to enjoy the moment of win or lose is one my desire...
Able to truly find an real enemy is one I seek...
How long? When? Or someday..?
Will a guy stands up and pick a challenge with me..
From that scene, I'll only wish for one thing..
I hope he's stronger than me...

Well, recently I had a look on my old memo...
And review some of my old memories during primary...
Ok... I guess I do remember something that a doctor had told me since I was primary 6..
That time I was overgrown( or maybe is over-fat), he do recommended me slim down by introducing some slimming company or services for me..
During that time, I was still a kid so I don't really care about my own body size...
As people say, do yourself
Right until now, I think back that actually.... I'm quite dumb to realize that...
Why I don't let myself a chance to slim down?
It's been like 19 years.... 19 years of fats were hiding inside my body...
Don't you ever want to be a thin guy?

Yes, I do
I have that kind of wishes..
But I have a mind weakness..
Which is, I do things.. but in a half way... I quit..
Reason (1): I have no idea...

But after sooooooo many years until last month,
Maybe is because my friend just got a girlfriend
Or even maybe not?
Or it's because of the anime I've chase and they attracted me...
Somehow...
Some kind of motivation pushing to slim down..
And now I tried to exercise everyday by just focusing on running...
True, I don't like run but I do enjoy the moment..
And there's some result about my one month exercises...
Guess I've slimmed down a bit due to my pants is starting loosen...
Oh my... the heck? Seriously?
I slimmed????
OMFG...

And so, this is an opportunity to slash down my weakness...
I'm on my way to slim down my body, and I must do it...
I wanna feel what is the feeling of being a thin guy..
I wanna feel what's the meaning of life...
I wanna feel what is the meaning of being hardwork...
And so.... I did...

Okay... Still, I have some problem like I can't really handle both anime desire and real world desire...
For now, I think that I'm lack of communication skills...
I lack of outer knowledge...
Maybe I need someone who can encourage me to join the "Outer"?

*Someday, I'll return the spears you had once pierce through my fragile heart. Someday, I will.
Let the game begins.
"Challenge Accepted!" 

Rephrase

Okay, I'm back for some lil of blogging again
When you'll see my blog updated
Most probably on the next day is my english related exam

Oh well, nothing's great happening around me
Since that day I hid myself inside my room for few months
Yet, still doing the same thing :3
Meh, that doesn't really matter at all...
Cuz, by the time goes~
I'm starting to realize...
I'm just an ordinary peep
LOL

So actually, I'm just temporary hiding my true ability...
YES, TEMPORARY... but when will it really reveal?
I don't know...
It depends me whether want to face the freakin reality or not..

I realize something...
For all the time, I just use "escape" route to force my mind to think that those questions are solved...
Yet, it's always cling around me...
Just standing outside the "Escape" room and wait for my return...

Dumb me isit?
Oh well.. We'll see...

Nothing much to write...
Coz my brain have stucked about few months
And everyday only think about games, strategies and more~~

Time set: 1X days left for me to change my little path of myself in my life...

So..
Ok...
End...
I guess?
Oh wait...
Tomorrow I'm having a freaking Civic subject as my Final...
My personal opinion is...
I don't really to take these kind of subjects....
Coz everything based on theory, logic....
For some reason, it is hard to let someone like me who being a neet inside my room
To understand so much about outer world...
I hate this subject but no deal..
Have to attend for this subject just to clear my Year 1 studies =_="...

Well, I just hope myself can get an acceptable result...
Just don't freaking fail it....


That day where Noctus realize how dumb himself was.... 

Think back when it was 2012...
There are so many mistakes I've did...
But recalling that year...
There's a mistake I can't really forget about it...

That's quite a trick...
For someone to realize it..
A reverse plan of my own to determine how desperate I want something...
After I've watched White Album 2 this anime..
It's quite make sense that I'm actually doing something similar...
But not those love scene :3..

Seriously...
I'm quite satisfy that year...
Able to talk with you so much...
I hope...
We can talk again...
Someday?
I believe in fate...

Fear

Fear... Yes... That feeling...
After so many days have passed....
You finally come back...
Terror of Finals....
After half of the Finals...
That feeling is back again...

More...
I need more of it....
Able to enforce myself to scare about it....
Give me more fear......

Experience

Peeps say you'll know everything once you get experiences
True enough!!
Yet I don't even know why there's still have stupid peep who don't want to accept the facts and anyhow blame other peep or even teammates (-_-")

Seriously, as a side observer and player
I want to ask, do you ever know what is called facts and teamwork?
Ya, teamwork~ We heard that a lot and still they are peep who know how to being a selfish arse...

I'm not mad but in fact I've underestimated you once again..
We seek for improvement from every angle of us..
No, we don't know ourselves getting any improves or not..
It should be judged by other peep..
So don't get yourself over-excited...
For me, every since I know you until now~ You're still not changing yourself in an inch..
So don't spread to other peep that how awesome you're...
That's your world..
Don't always dream <3
We live in real world not virtual..
If future creates a virtual reality world, I'll go for sure..

Learn to become a kind peep...
Beat me if you can
Coz so far I'm the kindest and peace guy I've ever seen :P
I seek for peace, not wars..
If you tend to come with your fist, then I shall devour you and lapse in the hell (^_^)

One more thing..
Don't judge people with your own standard. 

Weak

Have you felt that yourself are the weakest?
I felt that I'm just a retard who gave up on everything other than my own life.
Every efforts that I've spent... and in the half way I gave up.. lol
Every time I see people can do something I can't. I always feel shocked and impressed...

Well... Actually people have their own abilities... For both strong and weakness...
From our side, maybe we're just saw his/her strength...but what if it's a weak side?
There's where climax always appear...
I have a lot fears since I was small...
So it's quite a big deal that affected the current me...
At least I accept the fact.. and continue live on...
One day.... or maybe...my potential will be revealed...
I really hope for that.. :D 

One shall never take things lightly...
It won't be end too soon...
A humiliation, I expect...

Side Images

If real world shares connection with the virtual parts....
How amazing it is...
Unfortunately no...
Everything inside virtual are just images...
Things you can see by your eyes doesn't mean it is belongs to real...
We never expect what will happen during future, we just predicted...

What human doesn't like to face, they will face in the reality no matter what...
That's a fact of this Reality world...
How many people... desire to live inside Virtual world?
Everything is impossible in this Reality....
Absolute inverse...

Human, never understand....
Although I'm one of them, yet I can't understand as well...
Too much emotions...
No passions of freedom....

My wishes....
Shall hidden in the mist of the grand sea...
No matter how desperate you wish for...
Will any wishes will be granted? 

The game being...

Game beings...
I wish to end it right now...

For being a defensive unit...
I have no right to judge it...

We need to see through ourselves....
There are winner and also losers as well....

Win or lose...
I don't care......

If we know where is our wrong point location...
Hope we know how to solve this miserable problem...

From now on...
Defensive unit shall awaits patiently....

Day 6492nd : The Night That Awakens..

It would be a freaking joke if I said I seriously counted the day by using a calculator...
I never expected, I've come to this world for 6492 days...
That's quite a huge number.... I guess?
Well, there were a lot people who came earlier than me for a distance of days...
Days passed without giving any notices...
When is the day that comes our life to an ending?
And actually... is that really an ending to us?
Or just a farewell from this world?

If I never mistaken about this,
Science says only Knowledge can proves us about these....
What the hell does Science related to these anyway?
There are a lot people who live in this world with us...
Although they look the same like us...
But each has different feelings....
Everyone has his/her own motivation to something since they are small....

What I remembered was my beginning stage until now....
A dream for future?
What will you be in the future?
Nobody knows....
Most of the people will say it depends on how hard you work for yourself during your premature session...
Yes, few days ago I heard someone around my age starting to fight for their future....
Sharing some information to us about his progression and a lot life process about his case..
What I learnt from him is actually nothing...
But I do admire his will against something that he desires...

The main thing is....
He says all the people in this world wants an absolute freedom.In this world, everything you desire...
Money always come first...
Without money, one will never achieve something that they really want to be...
Yes, that is Financial Freedom...
By just judge "Freedom" this word,
It's a paradise for everybody...
But... how many people really do that?
Rare enough.

I want to highlight something about "Financial Freedom"
If all the people really succeed this concept...
Then the developments of this world will not be improving...
If money are really easy to flow into a pocket...
Why there are people who are in poor condition? 
I admit it's correct for people who desire to enjoy "Financial Freedom"
But it is impossible to believe everyone can do it....

If it goes well....
Then our life doesn't have any awesome things to be happened...
I'm a guy who just desire my own happiness...
What I want...
I already have now...
But that is not all...
There are a lot of things I have not discover yet...
I do not request for being "Financial Freedom" for my future...
But I want to try something fresh about something interesting...
At least my life will never being dull....

Indeed, I have my own opinion..
And whenever there are any opinion opposes mine..
I'll just ignore or judge about it...
What I expect is logical and suit for myself...
Because no matter how awesome you are...
I'm sure that there will be a limit in your future...
That's why I never get impressed by anything unless they are really awesome...
Sentences cannot prove anything...
Do it with your bare hands...
I dislike a lot of people in this world...
But it doesn't mean I don't want communicate with them...

Why I dislike them?
Because they talk without using their brains...
Words are powerful.
Yet it's very dangerous...  
People never understand when they hurt someone...

Talk so much for what actually?
You already spoil your own image in my mind 
You disgust me seriously....
After so many days I've met you and yet your mind are still that immature...
Well, it's none of my business...
My words will always hidden in somewhere in my brain until there's someone willing to reveal it...
What I see, does mean what I know...
Maybe I have mistaken something about you?
I don't know and I don't really getting interested about you...
It's already over....


有改变还是没改变...就看你自己吧
因为我根本就不能证明你到底变了没有...
不过也没办法...我也不明白以前的我在想什么...
何况说未来的我呢? 
说真的...那就话说了出来...真的是有点后悔...
就算给我第2次机会...
我看我还是回去属于我自己的世界吧...
我的心,没办法了解一些我读不明白的董事...
希望....不...一点都没有希望...
如果历史重演....狠狠地揍我一顿吧 

Beyond my own lights
Last word
Just shut the fuck up about your bullshit-ing on somewhere I can see. 

Realistic

Have you ever know?
How realistic is the reality world is?

Do you ever know,
Snows will not come when there is no cold season?
If reality aren't realistic, a lot of virtual scene will appear.....
There are a lot of people who can't live in a reality world,
although they are currently lively in this world...

They pick their choice as they will only stick to the virtual parts of this world...
Many may say "If you live in a reality world, then why not you join to the realistic side?"
I am a person who lies between Reality and Virtual world...
My body is real but my mind is full of virtual image...


People are always like a mirror, it's like a weather...
We will not know when their mood expressed in what kind of condition..
Any condition will be in a probability to be happened...

People always think that when a statement is false...
They think it's wrong...
For some reason...
There are people who think about a statement cannot be judge neither true nor false....
People always make mistake...





















I admit I really like these two sentences...
Becoz it's from Shiori ^_^ <3
Well, her statement from my opinion is true...
If you had done a mistake...
You will never know how to solve that mistake...
It's because one shall never understand what is the thing he is doing...
Even though it is neither success nor failed...
Judge your mistake from people's mistaken
In order to acknowledge more about the reason of failing something...

But until then, me myself still do not really understand this statement...
I want to understand, but I do not have a chance since I always think people are way better than me....
Until now, I am still unable to confirm my own real aim...
Things are happened too quickly...
Emotions remains...
A lot dark scenes happen...
I don't really mind...
People always have multiple emotions...
They always hidden their original face...
Although I can see through...
But still, I don't like them as well....
What is the point of hiding your real emotion?
Nowadays I have started to show my own emotion...
The hybrid emotion between active and passive...
I prefer everything being soft...
But in this realistic world...
It is impossible to have this kind of life...
I've feel this world is quite pathetic....

Family, friends, enemy and those who act just like friends....
From that day, I've told myself...
I'll become a realistic person in friendship system...
To tell the truth, I don't like to cooperate the facts I don't like...
Why would I force myself to go into a dark abyss?
In this realistic world, being realistic is just such a common phrase.....
Things I cannot chase up, I won't chase up...
I do not mind I don't have many friends...
Because only pure heart are meant to be friends...
You hid your personalities, then I'll be the one who reveal it...
You judge me, I won't judge you with cheap style. 

Not the same.

Things are not same,
Conditions are not same...
Everything is not the same....
If it is the same....
Then why the life is difficult?
Mouth is just a thing to say everything possible...
If things are same....
Then "Action" means worthless...
Same? As long as there's human exists.
This word will never be appeared once.

I cannot accept such statement like you say.
That's why I cannot breathe in some specific place...
Me and you
Different world...
Understand your own position..
I chose my road...
When the time comes...
I'll see the outcome...
Words are words
Reality depends action...

That's why I hate you...
All the way...

-@.k.a~Chow~

Time did the Changes?

Nothing goes with the godly power.
Time, 
A only thing gives me a lot of fun, sad, mad, suffered and more feeling by all the time.
People always say, some people are depending time to change their own style.
Well, I'm not sure I am one of them or not~ 
For some, I'm sure of it feels that I had changed compare to my high school life.
Good or not? I don't know :3 
What I felt is.. Changes? Well there's sure have some...
Especially the mind thinking :X
I've avoid a lot things that I don't want to meet.
I had expected something would happen around me, 
and finally. It happened...
Well, it's true I like to join with my friends and talk all the way in our style.
But not all the time I like to talk with a same person with a same topic every time I met 'em.
It's bored seriously -____-"
You can talk to me, but not using the same topic to open ALWAYS...
Fucking bored and easily got pissed by someone else....


Some people, always want to be a loner,
But still~ Will have someone to join in and become a bastard...
Such noisy person...
Sometimes, I would trying to full ignorance to 'em when I ran out of my mood....
I want find a person with same thinking with me...
It's such been long time I never find a person to talk deeply...
Nowadays, people are harsh...
When they're getting older and older...
A lot of truths are revealed...
The more truths acknowledged, the more sorrows we're going to face...
Opinions from everyone are different
But when people get into a same mood, same result will be shown...
Reality is reality..
We cannot change the facts, but we change ourselves..
Select the one who be loner?
I hope I would...
This realistic world is too oppose to this sensitive "word"...
No matter how many times you join into that world...
You will dragged out to the original world...
I heard a lot undefined questions.....
Whenever I cannot solve these, I'll just avoid it instead...
It's a better for myself...
Rather getting insult by someone...
I don't really care... 

Human (2)

Everybody is not perfect.
Yes, no one is perfect.
But there are people who try to be one of them.

Majority says,
If one wants to be a loner..
Is it possible in between Reality and Virtual?
Human, who only know how to act themselves into another person to attract someone's attention.
They know how people see something when it is serious
But? How about we make a vice versa?
Can you withstand when someone trying to speak something you don't like?
Can you?
You can?
Fuck off, dude? Don't make me laugh.
You can do something harsh to people without thinking anything

And yet you say it's being too polite if we care about them?
Wow, how unexpected...
Same case apply but the target is you,
And you showing your shit attitude against us?

What's next? Expecting me to respect you?
Your balshit attitude is annoyed me.
I would rather fucking ignore you forever.
Don't show your bloody mood in front of us.
We're not going to care why the fuck you mad.
Settle yourself, bitch.
Don't always thought silencer don't give any outputs.
Our hearts actually is main core in order to make decision to give a fuck to this kind of bloody people or not.
If you can't play against me, don't play.
Just tell me the facts.
Don't always expect people would help you.
Do it yourself, asshole.
Know the difference.
If one mini thing can cause you become a heartless ass.
Yo, dude~ You're fucking dead.
I'm telling you.
I may be silence all the way, but it doesn't mean my inner heart didn't say anything
If this world doesn't have death rules.
I should probably make you suffer under my leg.

You moody is your fucking problem,
Don't show in front of me.
Justify your fucking problem before you use some negative sign towards us.
For once, I don't fucking accepting you as my real friend.
You do what, I'll avoid what.

For me, the so called "friends" in my life.
I hate each part of them.
Same as how you guys hate one part of mine.
Don't like me? Un-friend me.
I don't fucking want you to be as my "friend"
I don't care what happen against me and you
You don't disturb me, I won't disturb you.
Silencer rules: Fuck off. 

Human

Human.
How long you can maintain your purity? 

I see black skies,
With dark spots in front of me...
Calling me to jump into the Darkness.

Dance in the midst of mist 
Left out nothing...
Logic is true, but it won't last forever..

Don't repeat the mistake...
Learn from mistake...
Resolve it...
Be soloist..

Although is not everything...
Something is fixed..
Then it is permanent fixed...
Human's heart...
Kind or Evil?
Find out yourself. 

Pucked Day

Be a smart guy.
Not a shit guy.
Be a well-strategy one,
Not the fucktard one.
Know how to become a good host,
And not a tsk one. 
Make a difference between bullshit and excuse.
Can make it? Make it
Can't make it? Then fuck off.. don't act pro.. o0o

End of Paradise

It seems...
Nothing really changed...
All rightie~ Another day had passed
Unexpected things happened too...
My activities are paused by the "Cold Wars" in my house

My days are going to end...
It's time to wake up from my sleeping brain....
Well, things are really starting to gather up...
Events, schools, freedom and more..
Ma.. can't each of you guys just come one by one?

Hmm, one question from someone..
What's a "Secret Love" aka 暗恋..
For me, secret love is just a feeling deepen in the guy/girl you like in a temporary time...
That time you will be in a higher probability to fall for him/her...
Well, people always say...
Love is blind...
When it's clear...
It's a real challenge for you and your other side...

Well "secret love" isn't a true love...
It's just show that you have your own humanity to love/like a person...
It's quite common for everyone unless they're heartless or mindless....

It's been a few month...
I've been telling myself to close one of my eye on this case..
Yes, I really did it...
In fact, I'm feeling relaxed when I'm talking to you...
My talking style is back when I'm writing any sentence to you...

That day, Neo wrote something on our group chat...
He says that you're talking to me via a status? O_O
Does that true?
Do you really mean that shy guy was me?
Well....
I don't know what to say...
But..
Love this topic doesn't suit me yet...  :3...
I still need my freedom to accomplish something....
The things that pissed me off recently...
I'm learning new things everyday...
I'm training hard everyday...
Just to prove that I'm not a coward.

I'll send my regrad with this song

Chiisana Tenohira aka Song from Clannad

Far away, far away, the sea of rice plants wavers 
Raising the rice, raising the rice, we aimed for the memory 
Do we remember the sad things that have happened before today, or have we forgotten them?
Even in this tiny hand, there could someday be strength surpassing our own 
From the day I cried beneath the ripe grapes, I started to walk 
Even if my hand is small, even if we're separated, we'll walk this road 
And on the day that will someday come, we'll store away our best memories
The seasons change; already the cold wind 
Wraps around us and sleeps inside the song of that spring
Even in this tiny hand, there could someday be strength surpassing our own 
Those wet cheeks reflected a number of smiles 
Even if my hand is small, even if we're separated, we'll walk this road 
And on the new day we too stored away our memories
Even this tiny hand will one day pass by us 
And on the new day, a new season began